I asked my husband recently what advice he would give if one of his friends was having twins. His answer – “you’re screwed.” When preparing for twins, it might be hard to know where to start!
Having twins is a major life adjustment, there’s no denying it. Can you really prepare for twins? Not entirely. But here is some advice that will hopefully help make the transition to being the parents of newborn twins easier.
Start preparing older kids for twins as soon as possible.
I know many parents have their reasons for waiting to announce a pregnancy to their other kids. Fear of miscarriage, wanting to keep the pregnancy a secret from other friends and family, among other reasons, might make parents delay sharing the news with their other children.
My advice is to tell your kids that you are having twins as soon as possible (assuming they are at least old enough to grasp what’s going on). The longer you wait, the less time they will have to mentally prepare for having twin siblings, and the greater the risk of lingering resentment.
We told our soon to be five year old daughter as soon as we found out. That gave us about seven months of preparation before the twins were born, time to discuss how things would change and what things would stay the same. Time for us to make sure our oldest child truly understood that she was not being replaced and how wonderful it was that our family was growing.
We read books about what it meant to be a big sister, we talked about it often and answered any questions she had. We let her pick a new color and painted her bedroom together and bought her special big kid furniture. She also got to help get things ready for the new babies. So while we were preparing things for the twins, we made some positive changes for her as well.
My point here is, we made the most of the time while it was still just the three of us while slowly making room for the new additions.
Don’t Buy Too Much Stuff For Your Twins – Yet
This advice applies even if you are only having one baby, and whether this is your first or fifth baby. Don’t buy too much ahead of time for newborns. Unless you have unlimited disposable income and a ton of extra space in your house, you really don’t need to go crazy getting tons of stuff.
Preparing for twins was a lot like preparing for one baby for me in this regard. I wanted to make sure I had EVERYTHING ready well before the big day. So once again, I got a bunch of stuff I didn’t need and will never use.
All the most useful stuff I bought AFTER the twins were home from the hospital. This is when you actually get to figure out what you need. If you don’t believe me, read my post about my favorite items for twins. The only item I had ready ahead of time was the stroller, and I didn’t get that until a few weeks before the twins were born. There really isn’t a need to have so much stuff ready ahead of time for newborns. They really don’t need that much at first. With buying online being the norm these days, you won’t have to wait long if there is something you decide you absolutely must have.
I had a baby shower for my first baby and I registered for ALL the stuff. And you know what? My favorite and most used items for my firstborn were things I didn’t know I needed until after I had her at home.
You just can’t really ever tell until you have the baby (or babies in this case). Sure, car seats are a must, and I’ll get to that in a minute. The babies will need somewhere to sleep of course, and a few essential clothing items. For the rest, proceed with caution.
Which leads me to my next bit of advice
You don’t need two of everything
This is really important, and something I wish I had realized earlier when preparing for twins. There are going to be very few times that they will BOTH need to be using the same thing at the same time. Part of being prepared for twins means not over buying! Having too much clutter of things you don’t need (think trying to stuff two pack n plays in your family room) can only create more stress.
Changing tables, bath seats, infant swings, pack n plays. One of each of these is fine (if you find that you want any of these at all). You aren’t going to be changing two babies at once (and if you find that you and your partner need to change them both at once on occasion, there are plenty of alternate surfaces that work just fine). Same goes for baths.
You might want two infant swings (we did end up getting two) but there are only rare occasions that we want to put both in a swing. Pack n’ plays are really big, and when we want to put them in the bassinet portion right now, both babies fit just fine.
I do recommend having two infant seats for your twins. These are really useful and don’t take up much room.
One bit of advice as far as blankets, clothing, anything that might be gender specific. If this is something important to you and you are having boy/girl twins like we have, you might want to stick to neutral colors. You aren’t going to have time to be bothering with looking for a blue blanket or a pink pacifier when you are in the midst of caring for infant twins. If this doesn’t bother you then no big deal. But if you are the kind of person that might feel uncomfortable putting your son to bed in a pink sleep sack – stick to neutral colors. Things don’t get dirty in a 1:1 ratio.
Preparing for Twins – Thinking Transportation
Adding two new babies to the family will cause many people to have to think about getting a new vehicle. This is something you don’t want to wait on. Start thinking about that right away so you have time to find the best deal. Certain times of year are better for buying certain types of cars (think hot new minivan!)
When we first found out we had twins on the way, we didn’t think anything about needing a new car. We had a Nissan Rogue, and just one child. We figured we would squish two more car seats in the back with our daughter and tell extended family and friends they wouldn’t be catching a ride with us anytime soon. There was still over a year left on our lease and we didn’t want to have to upgrade just yet.
Then we found out Nissan does not recommend using the middle seat to install a car seat in the model we had. Luckily we found this out early enough and had time to do our research and find the perfect car for our family. I never thought I would be so excited for a minivan – but because we had time to prepare and seek out a good deal, we are very happy with our new set of wheels.
So if you are planning to keep the car you already have, make sure two more car seats are going to fit, and make sure to follow the manufacturers recommendations for safety. If you need an upgrade, the sooner you start planning for this, the better prepared you will be when your twins arrive (especially if they happen to arrive early).
Car Seats – Don’t Wait on This
The one thing you absolutely must have before going home from the hospital is a car seat for each twin. This is not something to wait on. Twins tend to come early (most twins are born around 36 weeks) so waiting until the last minute is not advisable. You want time to get them installed correctly in your vehicle and have everything ready for when they arrive (likely sooner than you may be prepared for).
Since twins can be on the small side, make sure to get a car seat that can accommodate a tiny newborn. We love the Chicco Keyfit 30 car seats, which can be used for an infant as small as 4 pounds.
If you have older kids and still have their infant car seats, don’t forget to dig them out of the attic and check the expiration dates. We were hoping to only have to buy one new car seat, but wouldn’t you know – our daughter’s infant seat expired the exact month that our twins were due. Major bummer. But at least we found out soon enough and had time to make use of some coupons and gift cards to make the purchase of two new car seats more manageable.
Childcare for Twins is Hard to Find
If you are going to need some sort of childcare for your twins – don’t wait to start looking. The best daycare centers fill up fast and you are going to need to find one with two openings. You aren’t going to want to be out looking at these places in your final months of your twin pregnancy – you most likely won’t want to leave the house much at all. Forget about looking after your twins are born – you will be so busy you won’t even believe how little extra time you have. Now with the pandemic going on, good childcare is even more scarce.
I found this out the hard way as well. I work from home full time and had plans to hire a nanny at least part time. Unfortunately, I waited until the last minute and wouldn’t you know, people are not necessarily chomping at the bit to care for two infants at once. Be prepared to pay a premium for good help for your twins, especially if you put this off until it’s too late. An important part of preparing for twins is having childcare figured out before you have your hands full with the babies.
Line Up Help From Family and Friends
You will probably get lots of offers from family and friends while you are pregnant with your twins, with everyone telling you how excited they are to meet the babies and how much help they are going to be for you when you get home. Be prepared for reality – many people make promises they don’t end up keeping.
Let me make one thing clear – you will need as much help as you can get. Especially in the beginning when you are figuring things out, an extra set of hands makes a huge difference. If anyone offers to help you, take the help and help THEM to follow through. As soon as someone mentions helping, hash out some specifics right away. If a friend who is a stay at home mom says “I’m home all day, I can come over ANY time,” say to her, “Great! Which days should I sign you up for when the twins come home?”
I am telling you now, many people say this and most have good intentions, but once the babies are home and life gets so busy you can’t think straight, many of those same people may not repeat their offers for help. Keep them accountable by following up when you get home.
When you do have help, don’t feel bad for not playing hostess. Most people will be thrilled to hold an adorable newborn while you get a few things done around the house (or just sit and hold your other baby – something that is much harder finding time for with twins).
Prepare for the Possibility of NICU Time for One or Both Twins
This is something I thought about a lot. I really wanted to be prepared for this possibility. With so many twins being born early, there was a good chance the twins might need to spend some time in the NICU. This meant I might have to go home from the hospital without my babies and spend the first part of my maternity leave going back and forth to the hospital. This would not be easy especially since I would be recovering from a c-section. It would also make breastfeeding more difficult, and it was important to me to be able to breastfeed my twins as much as possible.
I also knew that my twins were likely to be born during flu season, which in our area means restrictions on visitors under a certain age, even siblings. This is something I worried about, and discussed with family so as to have a plan should I be spending lots of time at the hospital. Now with COVID-19, I can only imagine the restrictions that must be in place.
One scenario I definitely didn’t prepare for was that one twin would end up in the NICU while the other twin came home with me. For some reason this just never crossed my mind. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened in my case. I wish I had thought about this possibility before hand so I could have been even a tiny bit prepared for having my twins separated for more than two weeks.
Preparing for Twins Mentally
This is by far the hardest and most important aspect of preparing for twins. You can never really be ready for such a major life change, but giving yourself the opportunity to mentally prepare is really important. Take some time to yourself while you can, have date nights with your significant other. Talk about what things will be like once the twins are here and be sure you are on the same page about important stuff such as how you will handle the nighttime routine, where the twins will sleep, whether you will breast or bottle feed (or a combination of both) and how you will each get some free time.
Understand that, at least in the beginning, time is going to be very limited. You won’t even believe how hard it can be at times to get to the simplest tasks. If you have anxiety like me, you will have a hard time letting things go. I need to keep things in control to keep my anxiety at bay. This becomes very difficult with newborn twins. Keeping a handle on the household chores can be almost impossible at times.
Be prepared for a major life change, one you can’t ever really be ready for. Things are going to be hard, so hard at times you wonder how you will ever get through it. But then comes a new day, and eventually you will start to have more good days than bad.
My twins are now almost four months old and things are starting to get easier. They have fallen into a more predictable pattern and we have gotten better at understanding their signals and their needs. Some things you just can’t ever be prepared for, especially having twins. Take it one day at a time and you will get through it!
