Today, we’re going to talk about the 10 things you shouldn’t say to kids, and what to say instead. While many of these things are pretty common among parents, and you’ll often hear them being said to kids, that doesn’t mean they’re good to say.
So here’s my list of the top 10 things that you should never say to kids.
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Things You Shouldn’t Say to Kids #1
The first thing you shouldn’t say to kids is “you’re ok.” I know many parents feel that it’s helpful to say this when a kid gets hurt and is upset, to reassure them that nothing is majorly wrong. And some parents also don’t want to make a big deal out of every little bump or bruise.
The truth is, it’s much kinder and more helpful to simply ask “are you ok” and give your child a chance to answer. Most likely, they will say yes, even if they’re a little upset. And if they say no, accept how they feel, even if there’s nothing majorly wrong.
Think about how you would feel if you tripped and fell, and your friend or spouse immediately said “you’re ok.” That would seem rude wouldn’t it? Most likely they would ask if you were ok, and it shouldn’t be any different with kids.
What Not to Say to Kids – “Stop Crying”
The second thing on my list of things you shouldn’t say to kids is “stop crying.” Many adults get uncomfortable when kids cry, especially if it seems to us that there’s nothing for them to be crying about. But the truth is, just because something isn’t a big deal to us, doesn’t mean that it’ not a big deal for the child. It’s much kinder to simply ask what’s wrong, and if they don’t feel like talking, just be there and support them.
“Use Your Words”
The third thing that you shouldn’t say to kids is “Use your words”. I know a lot of times young kids will be trying to express themselves and its frustrating when they’re whining or crying or grunting at you. But the truth is, it’s not at all helpful to say use your words in these situations.
If your child isn’t using words, it’s probably because they’re having a hard time and don’t know exactly which words to use to express themselves. So instead, why not help them figure out which words to use?
Related – https://eschooled.com/parenting-tips-every-parent-must-know-and-mistakes-to-avoid/
Things You Shouldn’t Say to Kids #4
Next on my list of things not to say to kids is “Let me help you”. I know as parents its natural for us to want to help our kids when we see them struggling. But the best thing to do is to let our children have the chance to figure things out on their own, without their parents always swooping in to rescue them.
So if you see your child getting frustrated while they try to do something that you find simple, bite your tongue and give them a chance to figure it out. If they want your help, they’ll probably ask for it.
What Not to Say to Kids – “Good Job”
Number five on my list is something I’m sure almost every parent has said. But something you should try not to say to your kids is “Good Job”.
While there’s nothing wrong with praising your child’s accomplishments, this phrase tends to get overused which makes it pretty meaningless. So if you want to praise your kids, show that you really see them by making it specific. And try to praise the effort rather than the result. Show your child that you’re paying attention to them, that you notice their hard work, or appreciate their help. This will do so much more than just saying good job whenever they do anything remotely praiseworthy.
“I’m Leaving Without You”
Number six on the list of things you should never say to your kids is “I’m leaving without you.” Lots of frustrated parents use this phrase to get their kids to hurry up and get in the car when it’s time to leave the playground or some other place and their kids don’t want to go.
Like all empty threats, saying this is useless unless you intend to carry out your threat if it doesn’t get your kids to leave. And even if you would never actually leave your kids somewhere, saying this to them can give them the idea that their parents may very well abandon them at some point. This is not something you want to be saying to your kids.
Things You Shouldn’t Say to Kids #7
Another thing you really should never say to your kids is “say sorry.” Many parents believe that it is important to teach responsibility by making children apologize for their negative actions. The problem with a forced apology is that it’s not genuine.
If you want your kids to learn about responsibility, then talk to them about what happened and what would be a good way to make amends, rather than just forcing them to “go say sorry”. Studies show that making amends is much more beneficial, even if they don’t use the exact words “I’m sorry”.
Things You Shouldn’t Say to Kids #8
Number 8 on my list of things you shouldn’t say to kids is “I Know What’s Best for You.” As parents, we all like to think that we know our child better than anyone else. And while that may ALMOST be true, there is one person who most certainly knows your child better than you do. And that is your child!
So you need to trust that they actually know what’s best for themselves, and just need your guidance to make the right decisions, rather than just making all their decisions FOR them.
What Not to Say to Kids – “I’m So Proud”
Next on my list of things you shouldn’t say to kids is “I’m so Proud of You.” I know this sounds odd, but it’s really important for kids to learn that what they think of themselves matters much more than what anyone else thinks, even us.
So while our kids might very well make us proud, it’s really great to say “you must be so proud of YOURSELF” when your child accomplishes something big. It may be hard to do this every time, but once in awhile it’s important to remind kids that they should do things to please themselves and not anyone else.
“What’s Wrong With You?”
And now for the last thing on my list of what not to say to kids. You should never say “what’s wrong with you” to a child, or anyone for that matter.
If a child is upset or acting out, don’t say something that implies there is something wrong with them. Simply ask “what’s wrong” and allow them to tell you what happened to make them so upset.
I hope you found this list of the top 10 things that you shouldn’t say to kids helpful. Please share if you enjoyed it!
