When we were trying for our first child, it couldn’t have been easier. We got pregnant on the first try, and the pregnancy was completely healthy with zero complications. When we started trying for our second child we assumed the experience would be similar. This was a somewhat naïve assumption, however. The story of my three subsequent miscarriages is what I am sharing with you today.
Miscarriage stories like mine can be sad, but they can also be comforting. If you or someone close to you has had a similar experience, I hope this will help you to know that you are not alone. Many others have gone through it too. There is always hope. After three miscarriages, I was finally able (with the help of IVF) to conceive and bring to term two healthy twin babies!
Miscarriage Stories – My First Miscarriage
My first miscarriage was in some ways the hardest. About a year after my daughter was born, we decided to start trying for baby number two. Just like the first time, we were overjoyed when we got pregnant the very fist month of trying. Naturally, we assumed this would be a healthy pregnancy as well. We told close family and friends as soon as we got that first positive pregnancy test!
My first inkling that something might be wrong came at my eight week appointment. At this appointment, I was given my first ultrasound. Since my periods are very regular and I am usually aware of when I ovulate, I was pretty sure about the day of conception. With my first pregnancy, my daughter measured exactly to the date I expected when we went to that first appointment.
This time, the baby was measuring behind, but only be a few days. It wasn’t anything the doctors were concerned about at all. There was a clear heartbeat, and we could see the baby moving around. I was concerned about the measurement, but I figured everything must be fine. After all, I read in so many places how your chances of miscarriage go way down once a heartbeat is confirmed.
After that appointment, we made the announcement to the rest of our friends and family on Facebook. I was so excited that my daughter was going to be a big sister! I was gaining weight and feeling very pregnant, with the same horrible nausea and fatigue that I had experienced the first time around.
Related – Signs of Twin Pregnancy!
A Missed Miscarriage
After that eight week appointment with my doctor, my next appointment was scheduled for twelve weeks. This is when they would do what is referred to as the NT scan, to check the fluid at the back of my baby’s neck for abnormalities, among other things. However, about a week prior to my scheduled appointment, I noticed a few drops of blood when using the bathroom.
Even though I have read that this isn’t always cause for alarm, I was sure something was wrong. My entire first pregnancy I never experienced any spotting. Even though they tell you that every pregnancy is different, this just didn’t seem right. I called my husband and we went to the emergency room.
Just a heads up in case you find yourself in this situation – emergency room doctors are trained for trauma. They aren’t obstetricians or gynecologists. The first person who came to give me an ultrasound had a lot of trouble and couldn’t tell me anything. This was agonizing. Eventually they got an OB to come down who was able to confirm that there was no heartbeat.
This news was some of the worst news I have ever received in my life. I was in shock. I truly could not believe that this happened, but I accepted the news without doubt. The baby on the ultrasound was not moving and was kind of curled up.
I was told to go home and check in with my doctor. I got the soonest appointment where they again confirmed the horrible news. It turns out my baby stopped growing around eight weeks. I opted for a D&C rather than waiting for the miscarriage to happen on its own. The actual miscarriage started to happen while I was waiting in the hospital for the procedure.
Miscarriage Stories – My Second Miscarriage
After that first miscarriage, I decided to take a break from trying to have a baby. I had still been breastfeeding my first daughter when I got pregnant the second time. So by the time that miscarriage happened, I had been either pregnant or nursing for more than two years straight. It was time to give my body a break.
I did eventually regret that decision a bit. As we know, fertility declines with age. I shouldn’t have let that one miscarriage stop me from trying again. Having one healthy baby meant my body was capable of having another, and even my doctors assured me it was common. I was 35 years old at the time, and I really shouldn’t have waited.
About a year after that missed miscarriage, we decided to start trying again. These two miscarriage stories are similar. It took a few months to conceive this time, but just as the first time, I suspected something might be wrong at my first appointment and ultrasound.
Yet Another Missed Miscarriage
This time they got me in a bit earlier, based on my previous miscarriage. It was around seven weeks, and I already felt like something was probably wrong. I wasn’t feeling those same early pregnancy symptoms like I had with my first and second pregnancies. Just like before, there was a heartbeat, but this time the baby was measuring even smaller. Much too small based on my cycle and knowledge of conception.
I scheduled another D&C, but I was asked to come in for another ultrasound first, a few days later, just to confirm that the pregnancy was not viable. Sure enough, by that point, the heartbeat had stopped.
I honestly couldn’t believe this was happening to me twice in a row. I so desperately wanted to add to my family. Being an only child myself, it was so important that my daughter have a sibling. It was starting to look like that may not happen at all.
This time there was no bleeding or spotting. I got in to have to D&C as soon as possible. Because it was my second miscarriage, I was offered DNA testing of the embryo to determine the cause of the miscarriage. It turned out to be a common trisomy, and I assume something similar was likely the cause of my first miscarriage.
Third Miscarriage in a Row
After two miscarriages, you start to wonder if you can even handle getting pregnant again. Miscarriage stories are full of this kind of heartache. It can be very difficult to allow yourself to try again, to let that bit of hope creep in that has the opportunity to crush you. Still, many of use forge ahead and keep on trying.
By this time, we weren’t trying but we weren’t not trying either. Still, I was tracking my cycles in an app and knew the time when I ovulated. If there was even a chance at any given month that I could be pregnant, I tested. And with every negative, there was a huge sense of disappointed. By this time I was 38, and I felt I was really running out of time to have another baby. My oldest daughter was 4, and I worried if I didn’t have a baby soon, she might never get a brother or sister at all.
We discussed fostering and adoption, and I knew those were options. I was starting to look into them. Then, lo and behold, I was pregnant again.
The Last of My Miscarriage Stories
This time around, I didn’t have a whole lot of faith in things turning out right. Still, I tried to take it one day at a time. Then at about four weeks pregnant, I woke up with sharp stomach cramps. Fearing an ectopic pregnancy, I made a trip to the emergency room. Of course, with it being so early in the pregnancy, they couldn’t tell me much. It would be too soon to see anything on most ultrasound machines. I was assured that it could not be a ruptured ectopic pregnancy so soon as the baby would be much too small.
Feeling hopeful, I went home. Most likely the pain was either related to implantation or indigestion. I waited each day to feel the familiar early pregnancy symptoms, but sadly, none ever developed.
My husband was out golfing on Father’s Day when it happened. This time it was just like a normal heavy period and happened at home. It was a lot more painful with a bit more blood, but if I hadn’t known I was pregnant or had such a regular cycle, I might not ever have known. Doctor’s call this kind of miscarriage a chemical pregnancy. But as anyone who has ever suffered a miscarriage knows, once you get that first positive pregnancy test, you are PREGNANT. Any loss, no matter how early in the pregnancy, is still a loss.
Success After Miscarriage
After all of these miscarriage stories, some might wonder how I decided to keep trying at all. It was truly my desire to have another baby that took more place in my heart than fear. This time, I sought out help, and ended up at a fertility clinic. After a couple of tries, I was able to successfully get pregnant and deliver twins! Those twins are now almost two years old and are as happy and healthy as can be.
Is my older daughter as happy about having siblings as I was to have more babies? You bet! She is overjoyed and absolutely the best big sister they could ask for.
Stay tuned for my IVF success story, coming soon!
