There’s one thing new parents all have in common – advice everywhere you turn. Some of it’s good and some of it is actually pretty terrible. Depending on your experience with babies, you might not know right away what advice, if any, to follow.
I’m here to give you some tips that might actually help in those first few weeks and months as new parents. Read on for some advice for new parents that can actually help!
For some awesome mom hacks – read my article: Mom Hacks: Tips and Tricks to Save Time Money and Sanity.
When a baby cries, it ALWAYS means something.
Here is my first bit of advice for new parents. Babies don’t cry for no reason.
When your baby starts to cry it’s time to try to figure out what’s wrong and what you can do to help.
A lot of books I read made this seem so complicated. Listening for the sound of different types of cries never worked that well for me. If you find yourself trying to learn and memorize what types of cries mean what, I suggest you stop!
There really aren’t that many options for why newborns cry. Most of the time newborn babies and infants cry because they are hungry or tired. The biggest bit of advice I can give here for new parents is to try not to miss these cues. Newborns and infants need lots of sleep and may need to feed or nurse more often than you expect. At the first sign of fussiness, assume they are either hungry or tired and take action quickly.
You may be on a feeding schedule with your babies, but unless this is medically indicated, I urge you to ditch the feeding schedule. Feeding babies on demand really helps everyone to be happier and more relaxed. If your baby is crying because they are hungry, you need to feed them! A fed baby is a happy baby.
I can’t even tell you how many times I assumed one of my babies wasn’t hungry or tired, then tried in vain to find some other reason why they were so fussy. I really wish I could get back all those wasted minutes and hours. Trying to calm a crying baby who really only wanted to be fed or helped to sleep is exhausting.
Other Causes for Crying
If your baby has been fed, burped and recently had a good nap but is still crying, there can be a few other possibilities. A dirty diaper, gas or over-stimulation are other common culprits.
A dirty diaper is a pretty simple fix. I have found that babies don’t really cry about wet diapers (unless you are using cloth). Here’s my advice for new parents – if your baby was happy one minute and suddenly fussy the next, it’s very likely they have pooped. I would check that out before even attempting to address tiredness or hunger. Even if your baby IS actually tired, they will have a hard time falling asleep in a soiled diaper. There have been times that I couldn’t figure out why my baby wouldn’t go to sleep. I knew they were tired, but they just kept fussing. Several times it turned out they had pooped after I got them ready for bed. Newborns, especially breastfed ones, poop a LOT!
Sometimes babies cry because they are sick or hurt. You will quickly be able to tell which cry means pain. You most likely will accidentally pinch or scratch your baby at some point. I have done it while getting them dressed or changing a diaper. Their cry in those situations is instant and loud. Other cries are usually more of a slow build.
If you pay attention and try to help fix what’s wrong at the first sign of fussiness, you will save yourself a lot of frustration and wasted effort. The more upset your baby gets, the harder it will be to calm them down.
More advice for new parents – you don’t need that many baby clothes.
You really need far less baby clothing than you may realize. Especially outfits. Babies like to be comfy and cozy. Clothes made of soft cotton or fleece (depending on the season) will be your best bet. And no, they don’t need any shoes!
In the early days, the best type of clothing is the kind that you don’t need to slip over their heads. Pajamas that button or zip up are best for colder months. For warmer climates, you can’t go wrong with side snap t-shirts and onesies. These are much simpler than the kind that go over their heads. My tip for new parents is this. Stock up on these types of clothes for newborns and save the fancy outfits for when babies are around six months old. It gets easier to get them dressed when they are more sturdy and able to hold up their heads.
Unless you are the type of person that really enjoys changing your baby over and over, you really only need a few changes per day. If your baby spits up or drools a lot, here’s a tip. Putting a bib on them over their clothes will save your from having to change them as often. Especially if you have twins like me, you will appreciate an extra day without having to do more laundry!
Babies don’t need baths every day.
Unless they had a really messy diaper, babies don’t get all that dirty in their first few months. If they spit up, wiping them down with a damp washcloth is sufficient. In fact, a damp washcloth will work much better to clean up after a messy diaper change than a fist full of baby wipes any day. Too many baby wipes can actually irritate your poor baby’s skin. Some brands don’t seem wet enough to really do a good job. Use a dry washcloth or cloth diaper to clean up what you can first then finish up with a nice warm damp washcloth and pat dry.
Even though the advice you may read in a book or hear from your parents might suggest that a baby should have a daily bath, this really isn’t necessary. All that water might actually dry out a baby’s delicate skin. It certainly isn’t something you need to do. Nothing bad will happen if your baby misses a bath (or two, or three!).
In the very early newborn stage, sponge baths every few days is all that you really need to do. Once they get big enough to be able to be put in a small infant tub, a bath in the sink or tub every few days is fine. They do NOT need to be submerged in water and they do not need a lot of soap or bubbles. Save the fun bath times for when they are sitting up on their own and more able to appreciate your efforts. Besides, too much soap can be irritating to baby’s skin.
Once they get bigger and are able to sit in a tub, you can graduate to filling the tub with a small bit of water.
For more on baths for babies – check out my post on how (and how often) to bathe a baby.
Get baby registry advice from parents who have actually had babies recently
Don’t rely on a store to give you registry advice – naturally they want you to register for ALL THE THINGS. If you look at their registry checklists, they are extraordinarily long and detailed. Many of the items on those long lists are completely frivolous items! My advice for new parents is this – focus on what your baby will actually need and forget all the fluff!
Don’t rely on books or magazines or advice from people who had their babies many years ago. Trends change, technology changes, and most importantly, safety regulations change.
Do ask trusted friends who have had babies in the past few years for their advice. Find out what baby items they used most and what didn’t get used so much. A lot of the “recommended” baby items are things you will never end up using, or will only use a few times. With the high cost of so many baby items, it makes sense to focus on what you need most.
Things like crib bedding sets, layettes and nursery decorations might seem important to new parents, but for those first few months your baby might not even see the inside of his or her nursery. Fancy crib bedding is likely unsafe, and newborn babies don’t need much in the way of clothes (see above). They also won’t even be able to see the beautiful nursery decorations when you first get them home. Babies can only see things close up in the early days.
You might find the items that are most useful to you are the ones you didn’t think you needed until after your baby arrives. So ditch the lengthy registry checklist and find out what newborn essentials people are using now.
Parenting advice I wish I had known beforehand
Newborns and infants get overstimulated very easily. One minute they are staring at something intently, the next minute that same thing makes them start to cry. One second they are smiling at the new rattle you’re shaking for them, the next they are turning their little face away from it.
Watch closely for signs of over-stimulation and be prepared to step in, even if it means taking your baby out of Aunt Lizzie’s well meaning grasp. Take your baby to a quiet dimly lit room. In a pinch I find placing my hand or even a small cloth over my babies eyes will do the trick to calm them almost instantly. This probably sounds crazy, but it has worked on all of my children as babies. If you want to get fancy, I have actually seen baby hats for sale with little visors in the front that go over the eyes.
If you try this, make sure of course not to block baby’s airways, and definitely never leave baby alone with any sort of loose material. This isn’t meant to be something your baby is left alone with – just something you can do while holding your overstimulated or overtired baby to quickly calm them before you get them ready for sleep.
If your baby is acting tired but you are certain they are not in need of a nap, over-stimulation is often to blame. A lot of times you can tell because you will attempt to put your baby back down for a nap and you will almost think they’re about to sleep and then bam! They start smiling at you.
Babies will eventually get the hang of breastfeeding if you stick with it.
Ok – I admit I am not a doctor and can’t speak for all babies and all situations. But it has been my experience that newborns, especially those born early, sometimes need a lot more help than you might think in order to catch on to breastfeeding. My advice for new parents – if it is your intention to breastfeed, don’t give up just because the first few weeks or even months are difficult.
Pumping isn’t fun, especially exclusive pumping. Not only do you produce less for a pump than your baby would be able to express, but it usually takes longer and then you have the added task of feeding your baby a bottle. Add in the time to warm and maybe even thaw the milk, and you can see why I do not advise this if you can avoid it, at least some of the time.
Maybe your baby is born with a tongue tie and takes awhile to get a good latch. Maybe they are born early and need extra nutrients. If you want to breastfeed, don’t give up! Sure, do what the doctor tells you, supplement with formula if necessary, pump to keep up your supply and feed your baby. But keep putting your baby to the breast at every feeding. Keep giving them the opportunity to get a good latch. Work with a lactation consultant. Keep it up and you may find a few weeks down the road your baby is suddenly able to breastfeed exclusively.
My twins were born early and my son spent some time in the NICU. He was pretty terrible at nursing when he first came home. It was frustrating and I really didn’t think he would ever be able to nurse. I am so glad I stuck with it! He is now seven months old, and he nurses just as well as any baby, and has been doing so for months. If I had given up I really would have regretted missing out on being able to nurse him.
When it’s time to start feeding solids, check out my post on How to Make Your Own Baby Food!
Limit visitors unless they have come over to help.
When you have a newborn, time absolutely flies by. That special time in the first few days and weeks after birth can quickly get away from you. Between learning how to care for your baby, and taking care of yourself and your healing body, the last thing you need is to have to entertain a slew of visitors, not to mention having to pass your baby around to them.
Of course you will want to introduce friends and family to your new baby. But those first few weeks are precious. Try to limit the visits to only your closest family and friends, and don’t get trapped into entertaining anyone. Use the time when you have someone over to get something done. Stagger visitors so you and your new baby don’t get overwhelmed. And don’t underestimate the importance of vaccines, especially during flu season. Don’t be afraid to say no to visitors during those first couple months if they haven’t had the pertussis vaccine and a flu shot.
This is even more important during these current uncertain times. Do NOT feel pressured to have guests unless you feel comfortable with it. Establish boundaries and stick to them. You will thank yourself later.
The best place for your newborn baby to sleep is in your room – advice for new parents that I swear by.
One thing most new moms obsess over during their pregnancy is getting the nursery ready. I don’t really understand why our culture is so focused on this. Every baby store and website is filled with suggestions on how to set up your baby’s nursery. From curtains and bedding to paint swatches and fabrics, there is an endless array of options to create the perfect spot for your newborn baby to sleep when they come home.
I’ll admit, I’ve seen some amazing nursery photos, some I’ve even been envious of. The thing is, this really doesn’t make a lot of sense. Not for the baby and not for the parents either. My advice – don’t even bother with a nursery, at least not right away.
There is a reason that “rooming in” has become the norm for most hospital maternity wards. Babies just do better in the same room with their parents.
For one thing, pediatricians now recommend this as a way to prevent SIDS, possibly because babies tend to not sleep as deeply when in the same room with parents. For another, the natural awareness a mother has for her sleeping baby can’t work if that baby is in a totally different room. Not to mention nighttime feedings! Who wants to get up and walk all the way to another room to feed a baby in the middle of the night? Especially for nursing moms, it is so easy to just feed your baby while you stay in bed. I recommend getting a co-sleeper so your newborn baby can be safely right next to you. We have used the arm’s reach co sleeper for all of our babies and I highly recommend it.
Eventually many parents will want their baby to have their own separate room. But there is no reason this room needs to be ready right when baby comes home from the hospital. All you really need is a co sleeper or bassinet of some sort, and the type of changing pad that you can fasten to your dresser. Baby can sleep safe and sound in your room for the first six months to a year, and you can take just as long to plan the perfect nursery if that’s something you want.
Be ok with staying home more
There’s so much pressure in our society to get out and do things. That pressure doesn’t go away just because you had a new baby. Just look at all the baby gear designed to make life easier for parents when they are out and about with their babies.
The truth is, taking a new baby out in public is stressful. It’s a lot of work to haul all that baby gear around. Then you need to find convenient (and clean) places to nurse and change your baby, and make sure baby can get that much-needed sleep without becoming overtired. Staying home is so much easier.
Be OK with staying home more. You will cherish that special time with the new addition to your family without placing added stress on yourself and your baby. There will still be plenty of places to take your baby a few months down the road once you have this parenting thing figured out a bit more. Plus, don’t forget, especially during flu season, it’s best to limit baby’s exposure to germs in those first couple of months.
There are so many bits of advice I could give to new parents, but most of all my advice is to trust yourself and your partner! Parenting takes A LOT of trial and error to figure out what works for your baby and your family. No one will know your baby better than you, and no bit of advice will matter if it doesn’t work for your baby. Hopefully some of my tips will help you as you get into your groove as a new parent!
