This is a question that comes up ALL THE TIME when parent’s talk about their children’s behavior. I am often surprised by how many parents think that a punishment is the same thing as a consequence or discipline. While a punishment is a type of discipline, it is definitely not the only way to use discipline with your children. Read on to learn the difference between punishments vs. consequences, and why natural and logical consequences have many benefits over standard punishments.
Punishments are a Negative form of Discipline
So what exactly is a punishment? A punishment by definition is “the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.” So when we use punishments with children, we are doing something to make them “pay” for whatever it is they may have done wrong.
Examples of common punishments that parents often use are things like:
- Time Outs
- Taking away a treasured object
- No screen time
- Not being allowed to go somewhere they had been looking forward to
- Cancelling plans
- Sending them to their room
- Any type of physical harm (which is the worst type of punishment)
The purpose of a punishment is to, well, PUNISH a child for having done something wrong. Parents who use punishments feel that the child will learn not to do that thing again, because of the negative thing that happened to them as a result. Unfortunately, children who are punished often learn to be better at not getting caught, or even to lie.
Related – https://eschooled.com/authoritative-parenting-what-it-is-and-how-to-practice-it/
Punishments Vs Consequences – Why Punishments Don’t Work
Even though it may seem logical that if a child is punished for misbehaving, they won’t do it again, this is usually not the case. Since a punishment is not related to the actual behavior or incident, it does little to teach a child what they should have been doing instead. They learn that if they do something they shouldn’t, something bad will happen. Since they don’t want anything bad to happen, they often learn that it’s best not to get caught.
Punishments teach children that adults are in charge of their behavior. They learn that if their behavior is not what adults want, something bad will happen. This often results in lower self esteem and a worse relationship with their parents.
Related – https://eschooled.com/respectful-parenting-what-it-is-and-how-to-practice-it/
What are Natural Consequences?
When we discuss the difference between punishments vs consequences, we often hear the term “natural consequences.” These are consequences that happen naturally, without the parent having to intervene. It’s a very helpful parenting tool to allow for natural consequences whenever possible.
Obviously, we can’t allow ALL natural consequences, especially when they might cause harm or put our children in danger.
Here are some common natural consequences that we can allow our children to experience:
- If our child continues to play roughly with a toy after we warned them that it might break, and it breaks
- Letting our child go outside without a coat if they refuse to wear one, allowing them to feel cold
- Letting our kid skip homework and face the consequences at school
Logical Consequences Vs Natural Consequences
Natural consequences are great, but we can’t always let them happen. Many times we have to come up with a consequence for our children’s actions and behaviors. The difference between these types of consequences and punishments is that they make sense. Logical consequences are directly related to the action or behavior.
Some examples of logical consequences:
- Having a child clean up a mess they made
- Making a child come inside because they won’t stay away from the road
- Telling a child there won’t be enough time for a story if they don’t get ready for bed on time
The Benefits of Consequences Over Punishments
Since natural and logical consequences are related to the unwanted action or behavior, they do a much better job of teaching children what is expected of them. A child can learn that if they don’t wear a coat they may be cold, or that if they make a mess they have to clean it up. This puts kids in charge of their own actions and behaviors, allowing them to make a choice, knowing that there are consequences to unwanted behaviors.
This method of using natural and logical consequences leads to better self esteem and a better relationship between parent and child. It also keeps power struggles to a minimum.
Punishments, on the other hand, don’t put kids in charge. They teach kids that ADULTS are in charge of their behavior, and that when they do something wrong, an adult will deal out a punishment. This can cause lower self esteem and put a strain on the parent-child relationship.
I hope this helped clear up the difference between consequences Vs punishments!
